Wahkan's New Totem
by Ledabuhr
Summary: The 43rd has some downtime in the Filthy Animal and drunken hilarity ensues.


"And then the squirrel looks at the goblin and asks, 'Cigarette?'" Laughter erupted from the dark back corner of the Filthy Animal, startling the quieter patrons downstairs at the bar. Cramped together at one little wooden table were two rather large Tauren and a Troll. The table was littered with empty bottles, puddles of ale and the female Tauren had a napkin stuck to her forearm.

Wiping a tear from his eye, the Troll calms down enough to finish off (judging by the number of mugs on his side of the table) his eighth ale. "Iyo, mon, ya always be tellin' da bes' jokes," he chuckles, holding his stomach and gesturing for another drink. The snotty waitress glares at them and slams the mug on the table, the drink sloshing over the side. She slinks away and the Troll nearly falls off the bench watching her leave.

"Hey hey, Wahkan!" the female Tauren grinned, snapping her fingers in front of the Troll's face. In response, Wahkan only grins, clearly unashamed to be caught. He shrugs gracefully and downs half his mug at once.

"Tink ya can top yer brudda's joke dere, Leda?"

In response, General Leda Savagedawn, least favoured General of Thrall, snorts, resulting in very lady-like hiccups. "Iyotanka is pretty sure I don't have a sense of humour."

"Mind if I join you guys?" The three at the table look up and chorus "Edmont!", raising (and spilling) their drinks to the Blood Knight. The elf chuckles and takes an overly dramatic bow before finding a little space on the bench next to Wahkan. "Ah, my adoring fans. How many have you had this afternoon?"

"Jus' a few…" Iyotanka slurs and gestures at the mugs and bottles littering the sticky, dirty table. Ed raises a brow in response and calls for a waitress.

"Why hello, my dear," Ed flashes a cheesy grin, "Have you shined your tusks recently? It looks nice." The Troll waitress blushes, but continues her glaring at the noisy table. "I'd be very grateful if you could bring me three or four bottles of the house red." He winks at her with his goofy lopsided smile in place, a look that he thinks turns most females to mush. The waitress, however, gives them one last dirty look and stomps off.

"I be knowing what can top Iyo's joke," Wahkan grins and tries to stand up. He bangs his knees on the table, sending Leda's half empty (or is it half full?) mug rolling off the edge of the second floor. With a grunt, the Troll attempts to push the bench back from the table, but only manages to thrust the table into Iyo and Leda's stomachs. "This be a magic table, mon. How'd we get in dere anywho?" The Troll shrugs, resigned to a life stuck between the bench and the table. "I'll jus' do it from here, ya?"

Ed nods in response, taking a swig straight from the bottle of wine. Leda is too busy squinting at the spot where her mug disappeared and Iyo thinks he already responded and is grinning like a madman in anticipation.

Wahkan takes a deep breath, but starts laughing halfway through and then stretches out his arm to the space of floor next to the table. "Jus' learned dis trick here da udda day." The Troll squeezes his eyes shut tight and with a thump an unfamiliar totem appears. The Tauren and the elf lean over in their seats to get a better look.

"What does it do?" the mostly-sober Ed asks.

"Jus' be waitin'."

POP!

"Mew?"

Out of the top of the totem pops an impossibly small, grey, fluffy kitten appears, looking very confused. In his haste to investigate, Iyotanka bangs his knees on the table and then falls backwards in a Tauren-sized heap. His skin shifts easily and a dark brown, horned lion is left in his place. Cautiously, Iyo stalks over to the little grey kitten, who mewls plaintively at him and butts his little head against Iyo's paw.

POP!

Two more kittens appear - this time a white one spotted with orange and a tabby brown kitten. They bounce over to Iyo and attempt to climb up his face.

POP!

Another four kittens begin investigating: a black one winds itself around Leda's legs, Edmont has to set down his drink as he finds an orange kitten in his lap and Wahkan has to save a pair of white ones from investigating off the edge of the second floor.

POP!

Sixteen more kittens pounce on Iyo, who has acquiesced and laid down with his head resting on his paws. Setting the kitten down and picking up the bottle of wine, Ed asks, "Just how many kittens are we talking here Wahkan?"

The Troll shrugs, "Dunno, can't say I be using dis one before, Fidong." Ed laughs at his Trollish nickname and sets aside the empty bottle.

POP!

A couple of hundred kittens pop out of the top of the totem one after the other, mewling and play fighting with each other. Leda laughs as they rush over to Iyo laying nearby. His sister lifts a kitten up off of his eye, only to find the eye closed and her twin passed out beneath the kitten pile. Carefully, she sets the kitten back down.

"Maybe you should pull up that totem, I'm sure the kittens will disappear like the fire elemental," Leda grabs one of Ed's bottles of wine and struggles with the cork. "I can't imagine the waitresses will be happy to clean up kittens."

"Suppose ya got a point dere Ledabuhr," Wahkan stretches out his long, greenish arm and then closes his fist.

POP!

Thousands of kittens pop out this time, covering the entire floor, table and stairs of the second floor of The Filthy Animal. "Wahkan, I really think you need to get rid of that totem," Leda growls, pulling a kitten out of Iyo's full ale mug. The kitten blinks owlishly and then begins licking the alcohol off his fur. Edmont, no longer the most sober of the four, stumbles over to the totem, tripping on kittens on his way and attempts to pull it up manually.

"It just won't" he grunts, "budge!"

POP!

"Fidong?"

Leda and Wahkan share a worried look across the sea of kittens. The wiggling, mewling, furry mess of kittens is nose deep and they stumble a bit in an attempt to stand up. Next to Leda, the kittens slowly rise three feet in the air and Iyotanka gasps for breath in their place, a kitten still clinging to his Tauren ear.

"Ed's still down there!" Leda shouts over the cries of 4,294,976,296 kittens. She and Wahkan carefully make their way to where Ed was last, shuffling their feet along the floor so as not to crush any of them. From the angry scratches on her ankles, Leda is sure she has stepped on more then one or two little kitten tails. The two reach down, Leda grabbing onto a sturdy bit of metal, which she assumes to be Ed's plate armour and Wahkan, after mushing his hand into Ed's nose, locates a hand -

"What is going on?" Leda and Wahkan both cringe at the shrill voice coming from downstairs. Even the kittens are silent for a little while. Iyo sighs and rests his head against a nearby wall in an attempt to stop the spinning. Before long a tiny dark haired elf has made her way upstairs with just her angry eyes visible.

"Wahkan has this new totem… and we wanted to try it… but it won't come up and Ed's down there. The kittens won't stop popping out of the totem!"

Renegdhen sighs and after a few colourful swears, manages to get her rifle out and above the kitten line. With the precision of a pool hustler, she slides the butt end forcefully into the back of Wahkan's head, knocking him out. The shaman falls forward into a face full of kittens and Leda drags Ed back up gasping and sputtering, his face covered in tiny scratches. They wait, holding their breath, but no more kittens apppear.

"What are we going to do with all these kittens?" mumbles Iyo.

"And it only took 43 trips," chuckled the Forsaken mage, dusting his hands off.

"And you're sure there were no predators on the island, Vorastrix?"

"Yes, Iyo. Of course I checked before I left little defenceless kittens on their own."

"And there are things for them to eat there?"

"Yes, Iyo. Plenty of rats and bugs and snakes, plus the Stranglethorn waters are full of little fish."

"Oh no, mon! Ya ain't be welcome in here no more," a snotty Troll waitress waves her finger in front of Wahkan's nose.

"I might be able to get us into A Hero's Welcome. Isirami's an old… friend of mine," he smirks, winking at Leda who raises an eyebrow in response.

Ren piped up, "No, let's try the Legerdemain!"

"Ah the Legerdemain. How is the boyfriend, Ren?"

"For the last time, Arille isn't my boyfriend!" She growls out between clenched teeth, her fists clenched at her sides.

Umbiwa watches the noisy group head toward the Kirin Tor bar, the female elf gesturing emphatically and the larger Tauren chuckling at them. The shaman was the last to leave, winking at her before running to catch up with his friends.

"Hey mon! I foun' more den jus' da kittie totem! Wanna try da bubbly gum totem?"


End file.
